A letter to a 20 yo me

I sometimes chat with a 10-years-older me.

I really like her.

She obviously understands where I am coming from because she's been there just a few years ago. She has a broader perspective because she knows how things have turned out. She's also in a place I want to be in in 10 years.

In short, she's a great advisor.

I chat with her mainly when things get rough and when I need some of her wisdom. So today, I decided to return the favour and have a little one-on-one with a younger me because she might also need some advice and perspective.

So here it is, seven pieces of advice for a 20-year-old me.

1) If things get tough, know that you will make it through

I'm telling you, even if your worst nightmares come true, you will make it through and will find a way out.

Yes, you might be in a less-than-ideal situation, but you will be fine.

If it gets tough, instead of pondering everything wrong with your life and counting your shortcomings, zoom in and focus on making it through the day.

Take it easy on yourself, but do at least one thing per day that puts you on a positive trajectory. It could be moving your body, looking after what you eat, writing or any other consistent activity that builds you up. In the long term, this will help you build your confidence and spiral out of a hole instead of driving yourself deeper into it.

2) Spend some time alone

When you feel like something is off, it is your signal to look at it, not ignore it.

There are different methods to do this, but one that will work particularly well for you is writing. So when you feel like your mind is cluttered and there are too many threads open, take out a piece of paper, break it down into individual thoughts or problems and work through each individually, following a guided set of questions.

Once you decide which problems need action, which need reframing and which need acceptance, sit in silence and experience things in your body.

You may not feel relief immediately, but practising this for a while will bring you a comforting, cosy feeling that all is good - at least inside of you.

Don't follow the temptation of putting things aside when you're feeling off, even if it seems easier. In the long run, it will only become more difficult. You're better off addressing things regularly as they show up rather than later dealing with a pile of old, nasty stuff.

Give yourself the time that your mind and soul are asking for through the difficult things that come to your mind.

3) Organise what you can, but don't try to make it perfect

Organising your outside world will do a massive job of helping keep your inside world free of clutter. It will take away some of your anxieties and create a sense of control and stability. You will know what you can expect from your surroundings and know that your environment supports you rather than acts against you.

Because of that, stick to your weekly house cleaning routine, try to have a dedicated spot for everything and think about the repetitive tasks you do that could be standardised into life SOPs.

But, at the same time, remember that systems are great when they are functional, not perfect, as Tiago Forte put it. Don't try to organise things perfectly because it will always leave you dissatisfied with the outcome.

4) Don't follow a strict routine

Don't follow a very strict routine where your days are planned to the dot. It may work for some people, but it doesn't work for you. It is too rigid, will take the joy out of everything and leave you feeling burned out.

This is especially true for things you do for yourself - like exercise, body scanning and writing. Don't make them into a never-ending to-do list - it misses the point entirely.

Instead, have targets you try to hit - some negotiable, some non-negotiable. Have those targets in a scale of a week rather than days as it will leave room for adjustment and for life to happen. This approach will still allow you to reach your goals while enjoying the process much more.

5) Find a way to make money ASAP

Fine, build a business on the side and work on your dreams, but do so from a steady foundation. You won't build much if you need the money for yesterday.

So make sure you can cover the basics and things that are good for you: therapy, a flight back home, education. Many of your immediate problems will be resolved when you have a steady income. Invest time in getting a well-paid job, even if that means a few months of upskilling.

And remember that a regular job is a milestone, not necessarily the final destination.

6) Don't shy away from jealousy and use it as a compass

You're going to meet people you feel envious of.

They may be a few steps ahead of you, have something you want - whatever it may be, don't shy away from this feeling.

Treat it as a compass that can help you figure out what you want. Check with yourself what exactly you're envious of and if it aligns with your dreams and aspirations, make a concrete plan to get there.

7) Be patient

When my stepdad used to tell me to be patient, I never quite understood what he meant.

I used to think he suggested chilling my whole life and waiting for some magical moment to unfold. But what he was really getting at was this: take on challenges, experiment, figure out what works and what doesn't - just don't feel you need to hurry through it all to get to the final destination - whatever that might be in your mind.

So slow down, girl.

Don't get frustrated when things don't work out as planned - it would be ridiculous to expect a 100% hit rate on everything you try.

And consider that before you make the step, you may have to take a few pre-steps, so don't take on more than you can chew. Accept that things take time.

Conclusion

That's all - the 7 main tips for a 20-year-old me. I hope she listens - sooner rather than later.