How to have a stable but exciting life

Why would you want a stable life?

Would you want one at all?

Doesn't sound very sexy does it.

When I once told my boss that I try to keep my life stable, he said he felt sorry for me.

And I get his point. Stability has a connotation of a repetitive, boring, I've-lived-my-life kind of vibe, which is not something you would expect from a 20-something-year-old.

But, having tested both ends of the certainty-uncertainty spectrum - from moving countries, starting a new job and a new degree while working on a business idea and making changes to my routine all at the same time, all the way to following a rigid routine and following the same template every single day - I found that exploring new things from a stable foundation is the way to go.

Why?

It really boils down to having a feeling of security and control in certain areas and sparing my mental energy to explore, grow and learn in others.

So, in this article, let me walk you through the things I do to "keep one foot within order while stretching the other tentatively into the beyond", as Jordan Peterson put it.

Let's start with the first part: keeping one foot within order.

How to keep your life stable

1) Know what activities to fill your days with

When you don't know what to fill your days with, they get filled by themselves. There are errands to run, things people want from you, emails coming in or the allure of scrolling through social media.

That's why planning what you would like to do in a week is handy.

Beyond just organising my to-do's, the way I like to approach it is to start with my goals and work backwards to align my daily actions with what I want in the long term.

This gives me a feeling of stability because I am confident that my daily activities are not a random compilation of stuff but have some sort of purpose behind them. And on top of this, I roughly know what is coming when, so I don't have to devote energy to decide what I should do multiple times during the day - it's all roughly laid out for me.

2) Create life SOPs

While the first point was about the 'what' of the weak, life SOPs are the 'how'.

Companies have Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs) to make sure that the outcomes they produce are consistent and that they are not reinventing the wheel on repeatable tasks every single time.

But when it comes to our private lives and daily operations, we rely on our memory and default to familiar ways of doing things without thinking whether we could slightly tweak our processes to improve the final outcome.

And the operations of daily life can get pretty complex - managing your house, exercising, feeding yourself, having a job, looking after your mental health and dealing with a multitude of emotions that naturally arise (not to mention children, if you have them), is really quite a bit to manage. And if you don't have a specific protocol you follow in each of these areas, you put an unnecessary strain on yourself in remembering what you should do when to keep things in balance.

Life SOPs - as nerdy as that sounds - mean standardising what you can and choosing not to get overwhelmed by things that don't need to be overwhelming. You can make them for nearly everything: how you process your thoughts, how you approach creative tasks, how you approach work. If there is a repeatable and template-able element to it, try to flesh it out so you can use your creative energy on really creative endeavours rather than using it to reinvent the wheel you constructed a week ago.

3) Do a weekly review

Next, we have the weekly review.

Very much building on the Getting Things Done method of David Allen - weekly reviews are a moment during the week to go through all incoming pieces of information you accumulate throughout the week. Your emails, letters, downloads, photos, tasks - and deciding what to do with them.

The idea here is that you don't let anything slip through the cracks, which, as David explains, can drain our mental energy. In my experience, it gives me a sense of stability because I don't have to handle these things as they land in my inbox at unpredictable times and during my already busy day-to-day schedule. Instead, I know there is a dedicated time during the week (or month) when I will sift through these items, which gives me confidence I won't miss anything requiring some action on my part.

4) Clean your space

Ok, my parents are going to laugh when they read this. But yes, keeping your surroundings tidy is about much more than just an aesthetically pleasing environment.

Let's consider a little scenario, shall we?

It's 7 AM. You're about to run through the door to make it on time to a meeting with your boss but are instead running around the house looking for your keys, office badge and laptop charger.

You accidentally stumble upon your keys but never find your badge and charger. You make it to the office but, without your badge, are stuck outside. Five minutes pass before you get a hold of one of your colleagues. And then another five minutes before they go down the stairs to open the front door.

You arrive at the meeting late, and in between your sorries, you open your laptop only to realise it's dead. No attendee has a charger fitting your laptop, so the meeting must be moved as you can't access the deck you were going to present.

You must be feeling so confident and balanced right now.

So let me ask you, wouldn't having a dedicated home for your keys, badge, and charger make this morning (and your day) 1000 times more enjoyable?

And that's only one little scenario. There's also stuff like not getting distracted by shit lying around when you're working or being able to rest and enjoy your time when reading a book in the evening.

In short - clean your space to quite literally keep your feet within order.

Let's now look at the second part of Jordan's quote from the intro: "...stretching the other (foot) tentatively into the beyond" - or, what to do to keep things exciting.

How to keep your life exciting

1) Enter a new environment

Let's start with the obvious: a big life change.

Is there anything more uncertain/exciting than moving countries and starting a new degree, job, or business?

You are not only stepping outside your comfort zone; you are removing your comfort zone altogether. You are rebuilding yourself, in a way, to adapt to this new environment and perhaps shedding some old beliefs or habits that no longer do you good in this new context.

And while this all sounds nice, the newness can get overwhelming.

I find that administering them in small doses is a much better way of going about new beginnings. Of course, you can't move to another country only a little bit and move a bit more later, but my experience tells me that when these big changes happen, it is best to keep as much as possible stable. For example, by sticking to your morning or gym routine, you maintain some familiarity and make the change less shocking.

2) Learn or build something new

Probably the easiest way to have some excitement/uncertainty in your life in a controllable way is by learning or creating something new.

You don't know what you'll find behind the corner and need to sift through the chaos to piece things together in a way that makes sense to you, but your life isn't turned upside down because of this. Yes, you step outside your comfort zone, but only for as long as you engage in the activity without removing your comfort zone altogether.

I usually have one or two things I am learning or creating at any given time. I try not to go below that because I would get bored and won't feel like I am making any progress. At the same time, I try not to go above that number because it leaves me feeling out of control and like I have too many spinning plates to juggle.

With time, the things you learn or create become so ingrained in you that they become the stable territory and you can step out of your - now broader - familiarity yet again to widen your skill arsenal or bring something new to life.

And we grow, baby, we grow.

3) Understand yourself

Last but not least, we have you.

You are an unfamiliar territory, even for yourself.

What is going on in your mind may even be a mystery to yourself. You feel certain feels, are triggered by specific situations, and have certain thoughts popping up in your mind repeatedly.

It's chaos.

But taking on the challenge of looking at your feelings and thoughts, understanding yourself better and making sense of it all is just as exciting and brave as making huge changes to your life.

Conclusion

To wrap things up, finding a balance between stability and uncertainty has been the best thing I have ever done.

Stability helps me feel grounded and have a solid scaffolding my mind can rest on, while controlled chaos and uncertainty balance it out and add excitement to my days.

My advice: if feeling out of control, review why and use section 1 to introduce more stability into your life. If you feel stuck or bored, add some activities from section 2.

Let me know how it goes.

Have a great week.